The chief pleasures of society, viz., good conversation, and the consequent improvements, are rightly presumed, brethren, to be the principal
motive of our first entering into, and then of propagating our craft; wherein those advantages, I am bold to say, may be better net with, than in any society own in being: provided we are not wanting to ourselves, and will but consider, that the basis of our order is indissoluble friendship, and the cement of it, unanimity and brotherly love.
That these may always subsist in this society is the sincere desire of every worthy brother; and that they may do so in full perfection here, give me leave to lay before you a few observations, wherein are pointed out those things which are the most likely to discompose the harmony of conversation, especially when it turns upon controverted points. It is, brethren, a very delicate things to interest one's self in a dispute, and yet preserve the decorum due to the occasion. To assist us a little in this matter is the subject of what I have at present to offer to your consideration; and I doubt not but the bare mention of what may be disagreeable in any kind of debate will be heedfully avoided by a body of men, united by the bonds of brotherhood, and under the strictest ties of mutual love and forbearance.
By the outward demeanor it is that the inward civility of the mind is generally expressed; the manner and circumstances of which, being much governed and influenced by the fashion and usage of the place where we live, must, in the rule and practice of it, be learned by observation, and the carriage of those who are allowed to be polite and well-bred. But the more essential part of civility lies deeper than the outside, and is that general good-will, that decent regard, and personal esteem, for every man, which makes us cautious of showing in our carriage towards him any contempt, disrespect of neglect. It is a disposition that makes us ready on all occasions to express, according to the usual way and fashion of address, a respect, a value, and esteem for him, suitable to his rank, quality, and condition in life. It is, in a word, a disposition of the mind visible on the carriage, whereby a man endeavors to shun making another uneasy in his company.
For the better avoiding of which, in these our conventions, suffer me, brethren, to point out to you four things, directly contrary to this the most proper and mist acceptable conveyance of the social virtues; found to have its rise; and of consequence, that discord and want of harmony on conversation are too frequently to be observed.
The first of these is a natural roughness, which makes a man unpleasant to others; so that he retains no deference, nor has any regard to the inclinations, temper, or condition of those he converses with. It is a certain mark of a clown not to mind what either pleases of offends those he is engaged with. And yet one may sometimes meet with a man, in clean and fashionable cloths, giving an absolute, unbounded swing to his own humor herein, and suffering it to jostle or overbear every thing that stands in its way, with a perfect indifference how people have reason to take it. This is a brutality every one sees and abhors. It is what no one can approve, or be easy with; and therefore it finds no place with those who have any tincture of good-breeding; the end and design of which is to supple our natural stiffness, and to soften men's tempers, that they may bend and accommodate themselves to those with whom they have to do.
Contempt is the second thing inconsistent with good-breeding, and is entirely averse to it. And if this want of respect be discovered, either in a man's looks, words, or gestures, come it from whom it will, it always brings uneasiness and pain along with it: for nobody can contentedly bear to be slighted.
A third thing of the like nature is censoriousness, or a disposition to find fault with others. Men, whatever they are guilty of, would not choose to have their blemishes displayed and set in open view. Failings always carry some degree of shame with them; and the discovery, or even imputation of any defect, is not borne by them without uneasiness.
Raillery must be confessed to be the most refined way of exposing the faults of others; and, because it is commonly done with some wit, in good language, and entertains the company, people are apt to be led into a mistake, that where it keeps within fair bounds, there is no incivility in it. The pleasantry of this sort of conversation introduces it often, therefore, among people of the better sort; and such talkers, it must be owned, are well heard, and generally applauded by the laughter of the standers by: but it ought at the same time to be considered, that the entertainment of the company is at the cost of the person made the object of ridicule; who, therefore, cannot be without some uneasiness on the occasion, unless the subject on which he is rallied be matter of commendation; in which case, the pleasant images which make the raillery carry with them praise as well as sport; and, the rallied person finding his account in it, may also take a part in the diversion.
But in regard to the right management of so nice a point, wherein the least slip may spoil all, is not every body's talent, it is better that such as would be secure of not provoking others, should wholly abstain from raillery, which, by a small mistake, or wrong turn, may leave upon the minds of those who are stung by it the lasting memory of having been sharply, though wittily, taunted, for something censurable in them.
Contradiction is also a kind of censoriousness, wherein ill-breeding much too often shows itself. Complaisance does not require that we should admit of all the reasonings, or silently approve of all the accounts of things that may be vented in our hearing. The opposing the ill-grounded opinions, and the rectifying the mistakes of others, is what truth and charity sometimes require of us; nor does civility forbid it, so it be done with proper caution and due care of circumstances. But there are some men who seem so perfectly possessed, as it were, with the spirit of contradiction and perverseness, that they steadily, and without regard either to right or wrong, oppose some one, and perhaps every of the company, in whatsoever is advanced. This is so evident and outrageous a degree of censuring, that none can avoid thinking himself injured by it.
All sort of opposition to what another man
says is so apt to be suspected of censoriousness, and is so seldom
received without some sort of humiliation, that it ought to be
made in the gentlest manner, and couched in the softest expressions
that can be found, and such as, with the whole deportment, may
express no forwardness to contradict. All possible marks of respect
and good-will ought to accompany it, that, whilst we gain the
argument, we may not lose the
good inclinations of any that hear, and especially of those that
happen to differ from us.
And here we ought not to pass by an ordinary but a very great fault, that frequently happens in almost every dispute; I mean that of interrupting others while they are speaking. This is a failing which the members of the best regulated confraternities among us have endeavored to guard against in the bye-laws of their respective societies, and is what the W. person in the chair should principally regard, and see well put in execution. Yet, as it is an ill practice that prevails much in the world, and especially where less care is taken, it cannot be improper to offer a word or two against it here.
There cannot be a greater rudeness than to interrupt another in the current of his discourse; for if it be not impertinence and folly to answer a man before we know what he has to say, yet it is a plain declaration that we are weary of his discourse; that we disregard what he says, as judging it not fit to entertain the society with; and is, in fact, little less than a downright desiring that ourselves may have audience, who have something to produce better worth the attention of the company. As this is no ordinary degree of disrespect, it cannot but give always very great offence.
The fourth thing, brethren, that is against civility, and, therefore, apt to overset the harmony of conversation, is captiousness. And it is so, not only because it often produces miss-becoming and provoking expressions and behavior in a part of the company, but because it is a tacit accusation and a reproach for something ill taken from those we are displeased with. Such an intimation, or even suspicion, must always be uneasy to society; and as one angry person is sufficient to discompose a whole company, so, for the most part, all mutual happiness and satisfaction ceases therein on any such jarring. This failing, therefore, should be guarded against with as much care as either the .boisterous rusticity and insinuated contempt, or the ill-natured disposition to censure, already considered and disallowed of. For as peace, ease, and satisfaction, are what constitute the pleasure, the happiness, and are the very soul of conversation, if these be interrupted the design of society is undermined; and, in that circumstance, how should brotherly love continue? Certain it is that unless good order, decency, and temper be preserved by the individuals of society, confusion will be introduced, and a dissolution will naturally very quickly follow.
What, therefore, remains is to remind the brethren that Masons have ever been lovers of order. It is the business of their particular profession to reduce all rude matter to truth. Their aphorisms recommend it. The number of their lights, and the declared end of their coming together, intimate the frame and disposition of mind wherewith they are to meet, and the manner of their behavior when assembled.
Shall it, then, ever be said, that those who by choice are distinguished from the gross of mankind, and who voluntarily have enrolled their names in this most ancient and honorable society, are so far wanting to themselves and the order they profess, as to neglect its rules? Shall those, who are banded and cemented together by the strictest ties of amity, omit the practice of forbearance and brotherly love? Or shall the passions of those persons ever-become ungovernable who assemble purposely to subdue them?
We are, let it be considered, the successors of those who reared a structure to the honor of Almighty God, the Great Architect of the world, which for wisdom, strength, and beauty, has never yet had any parallel. We are intimately related to those great and worthy spirits who have ever made it their business and their aim to improve them-selves and to inform mankind. Let us then copy their example, that we may also hope to obtain a share in their praise. This cannot possibly be done in a scene of disorder; pearls are never found but when the sea is calm, and silent water is generally deepest.
It has been long, and still is, the glory and happiness of this society to have its interest espoused by the great, the noble, and the honored of the land: persons who after the example of the wisest and grandest of kings, esteem it neither condescension nor dishonorable to patronize and encourage the professors of the Craft. It is our duty, in return, to do nothing inconsistent with this favor; and, being members of this body, it becomes us to act in some degree suitable to the honor we receive from our illustrious Head.
If this be done at our general meetings, every good and desirable end will the better be promoted among us. The Craft will have the advantage of being governed by good, wholesome, and dispassionate laws; the business of the lodge will be smoothly and effectually carried on; your officers will communicate their sentiments, and receive your opinions and advice with pleasure and satisfaction; in a word, true Masonry will flourish; and those that are without will soon come to know that there are more substantial pleasures to be found, as well as greater advantages to be reaped, in our society, orderly conducted, than can possibly be met with in any other bodies of men, how magnificent whatever their pretensions maybe. For none can be so amiable as that which promotes brotherly love, and fixes that as the grand cement of all our actions; to the performance of which we are bound by an obligation both solemn and awful, and that entered into by our own free and deliberate choice; and, as it is to direct our lives and actions, it can never be too often repeated nor too frequently inculcated.
Back to Spirit of Masonry [ Previous ] [ Next ]
