If he writes a letter, it is too long.
If he sends a post card, its too short.
If he sends out a notice, he's a spendthrift.
If he doesn't send a notice, he's lazy.
If he attends a meeting, he is buttin in.
If he stays away, he's a shirker.
If attendance is slim, he should have phoned.
If he does call them to attend, he's a pest.
If he duns members for dues, he is insulting.
If he fails to collect dues, he is slipping.
If the meeting's a success, officers are praised.
If it is not a success, the secretary is blaimed.
If he asks for advice, he is incompetent.
If he does not, he is bull-headed.
If he writes complete minutes, they're too long.
If he condenses them, they're too short.
If he speaks up, he's trying to run things.
If he remanins quiet, he has lost interest.
Ashes to ashes, dust to dust.
If others won't do it, the Secretary must.